Let me explain to you the kind of feelings that I’m having. Iv’e been in love with the same person for 4 years, and not once has me and that person been together. I’ve lost my virginity to him, I’ve given up my self worth because of him, I have completely lost myself and did things that I thought I’d never do all for him and because of him. I have loved this boy conditionally with every piece of bone in my body. I have made his happiness become my happiness. He has taken control of every emotion I feel when I’m around him. I love him deeply. And you wanna know the fucked up part? He doesn’t even like me. He never did. The only thing he has ever felt for me or wanted from me was pictures, head, and sex. The sad part? He got those things, and got them repeatedly over and over again. And the fucked up part about all this, he has had girlfriends throughout all this time. So basically I have been his own personal hoe, that he can just come to whnever. But for some twisted fucked up reason, it was so much more than that. He actually cared about me, and he knew what he was doing wrong. He knows how I feel about him. He never meant to hurt be, but he did, and he tried so hard to make up for that. We tried being friends again, we tried moving on from each other, but we couldn’t. I couldn’t. And I still can’t. So guess what? He currently has a girlfriend that he deeply cares about, and he still has feelings for a girl he used to be with. So while he gets to move on in life, be with his girlfriend. Be with any other girl he wants, and gets to fall in love as many times has he wants. I am suffering. I’m suffering from the broken heart I have. I’m suffering from the loneliness I feel inside of me. I’m suffering from the pain and the anger he has caused me to have. I’m suffering from my insecurities that he has brought back into my life. I’m suffering from never being able to love somebody again, because I put all my love into somebody who didn’t even like me. So if you ever wonder what the fuck is wrong with me, and why i feel the way I do about love and boys. Just know its because I let one boy fuck my life up from the day I met him.